"Perhaps Abraham Lincoln made a mistake.

When some Americans believe the current president is a communist cult leader trying to brainwash the nation’s schoolchildren, and other Americans want the last president to be dragged off his ranch in handcuffs, it is time to reassess the state of our union. So may I make a modest proposal. There is a way to end the bitter bickering over health care, affirmative action, abortion, religion in the public square, taxation, torture, and the proper role of government. It is called secession. Yes, I know: Splitting the U.S. into two nations is a bit extreme. But extremism in the defense of America is no vice. And since we’re already segregating ourselves by what we watch, listen, and read, why not go all the way?

Think of the possibilities. In a new nation fashioned out of the current red states-call it, for the sake of argument, Limbaughland-the federal tax rate would be cut to 10%, Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security would be abolished, abortion would be illegal, gays would be closeted again, and Christianity would be the official state religion. Anyone could buy any kind of gun, no questions asked. In the current blue states, which we will call ObamaNation, the federal tax rate would top out at 90%; all employers would institute quota systems for minorities, women and less-abled persons; and you’d get your health care form a single-payer system like Canada’s. Fast food and guns would be banned, while gay marriage and marijuana would be legal. Voila! No more rancor, leaving only one remaining problem: What would we all feel so aggrieved about?”

-William Falk, editor of The Week

  1. ohwowthing reblogged this from dihard
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  3. hyperallergic reblogged this from dihard and added:
    via kottke
  4. littletinyfish reblogged this from dihard and added:
    The Republicans would take the war they started and the debt they accrued, right?
  5. pmore reblogged this from dihard